This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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