Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize