she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
