I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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