Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
