I'm eating all of the evidence.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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