That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
