R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
