Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
