it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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