well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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