sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
