he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Are we still banned from the library?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
