...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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