Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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