Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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