maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You pole danced in your parka.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
