i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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