dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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