i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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