Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
try to milk me bitch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
