I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
