6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Success! We fucked roommates!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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