nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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