As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
