Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
