i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
