Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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