Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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