He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
