Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
