he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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