omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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