You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Vodka?
Forever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
me + whiskey = a bad person
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
