that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel great
I just peed on a car
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize