allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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