She's JV to your varsity
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
is that a dick in a sweater?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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