Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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