Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
