i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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