We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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