he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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