I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
