What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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