Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
