I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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