I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize