I can text with my tongue
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
