Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize