How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
