So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
