im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
