...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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