I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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