At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
