she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
