its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize