Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
