I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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