Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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