I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My penis needs a shock collar
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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