I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I look better un-naked...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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