3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
