Just took my morning after pill in the library
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
