i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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