Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
