I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize