real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
