I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
