my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
