You're completely useless in the revolution.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
