Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
