I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
