now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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