do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
