He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
