so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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