the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
