my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
