Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
