I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
