Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize