she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
