I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
