i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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