i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
