there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
