I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
