I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
