my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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